As I Was Saying

Posted on July 13, 2011 | 18 Comments

to just pick up in the middle of a sentence like I never stopped blogging. Right?

So.

I have a TODDLER.

A toddler who turned ONE last Sunday.

See, look. Obligatory cake picture:

He actually wasn’t as into the cake as I had hoped, but he will learn its goodness in time. What is he into?

BALLS. Bawwls. Balls? BAlls.

Can you see his little mouth all puckered and ready to blurt out “BAHWALL!” for the 892,347th time that day? He likes to say it a lot.

In fact, he thought it would be neat to wake us up at 5:45 a.m. saying “BALllll.” He sits up in bed like he’s just heard a burglar that just must be robbing him of his balls. Alert. He is immediately aware there are balls in the house that he must have. One happened to be in proximity to the bed, so he immediately decided we should have it IN the bed. “BALL.” So he threw it at us in true toddler-dodge-ball fashion. A joy and a delight. But a bit eaarrrrly. 

Our first few weeks of toddlerhood have been an explosion of NEW. He can understand what I am saying to him. He hugs me. He signs a few words that I JUST started teaching him. He squeals and runs to his DADA when he arrives home. There are so many sparks that I can see firing off in his little person mind, and it is exciting to watch.

How am I doing? In one sentence? I’m doing pretty well. Although, clearly, that could be expanded upon. More words are needed. More words, more words. I will write them here.

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Sweet Porpus

Posted on May 25, 2011 | 29 Comments

Goodbye, sweetest friend. I promise not to remember you as the sickly kitty you have become. You would not approve.

I will remember you as the fiery lady you always were.

Fiercely loving. Passionately cuddly. A brilliant nanny. The best “oh my god you are home” door greeter that a feline could be. A friend to Schween. Superfan of the sun. Adoring of your dad. Smart as a whip. Sweet and soft. Fat. Happy.

Thanks for being my first baby. I will love you always. I know you will find the sunniest spot to rest on your porch in the sky.

Goodbye, sweet girl. Mama misses you already.

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Rapid Fire

Posted on May 11, 2011 | 9 Comments

Back when I was growing a human in my belly, I remember hitting a few points during the pregnancy where I felt like time stood still. I just knew like I was going to be exactly that pregnant until the end of time. Then I blinked and BAM. MywaterbrokeomgBABYHERE. Time clearly didn’t freeze like I had imagined.

Now, as a parent, I will get a similar notion. I’ll have a handle on the stage that Benton is going through. I’ve figured it all out! Everything falls into place and I know what I am doing. How easy is that? He will stay in this exact stage forever. And then BAM. He is a new boy within a few weeks.

He has been cruising furniture for about a month now. And he is fast. This afternoon, it occurred to me that I bought a ridiculous ugly walker thing for him awhile back. Maybe he can use it?

I hauled it out of the closet and introduced him to it in the living room. He inspected it, realized it rolled, and tried to pull up to standing. Since it moves VERY FAST, he kind of dragged behind it. I expected as much.

So, I assisted him by slowing its speed as he walked behind it. Carefully spotting the wobbly boy. We went back and forth across the room 3 times. He furrows his brow in concentration and sticks his tongue out slightly when he is trying something new, and I adore it. As I was giving him the walker tutorial, I planned our future weeks of mama/baby walker training with this new toy. Teaching is fun! He is like…a real little human or something. I figured it would take a while for him to fully grasp this ridiculous walker contraption.

THEN I BLINKED.

He learned the ding dang thing in 10 minutes. The mind of a 10 month old is astounding. Everyone told me that babies were like sponges, but I am seeing this first hand on a daily basis.

Things are getting exciting.

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Pleasantries

Posted on May 9, 2011 | 13 Comments

Spring is busting out all over. I have almost forgiven Chicago for such a long winter. She takes my breath away when she is in full bloom.

I celebrated my first Mother’s Day with my little family in the sun. It was perfect. All the iPhone photos we took depicted the most amazing spring outing together. Everything all in a row and lovely. It was.

Even though it all seems like a fairytale life, I don’t want to project that image all the time. I don’t mean to say that life isn’t good, because it is. It appears especially good on the surface. On paper. In photos. In this blog. But there is certainly a balance.

Staying home and watching Benton turn from a baby into a kid before my eyes is a blessing. It’s truly the best job I have had, even though I am never off the clock. I am capable of feeling more love and joy than I could have ever imagined. I feel lucky. I do. This is why I don’t like to voice my sorrows or struggles. It makes me appear ungrateful.

I hate being a complainer, especially when I have it so “good.” But I give 125% of myself everyday, and sometimes it doesn’t feel like enough. I don’t like asking for help, even though I could use it. I hate to admit that I can’t do it all and my perfectionism is often a curse.

I don’t like admitting that I have been struggling with anxiety in the middle of the night. That I have conversations in my head in the early morning hours that would not be considered remotely pleasant. That I worry about things in the dark that would never be given a second thought in the light of day. That I often feel alone, even when I am never actually by myself.

I have started talking about these things with other moms who have been through similar things. It is helping. If you are one of the ladies I have been conversing with on this subject, thank you so much. It means the world to me.

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Here

Posted on April 26, 2011 | 3 Comments

We moved! We survived.

We got to sit in one of the new parks. With warm legs and bare feet.

We watched the big kids play. There are so many kids in this hood. It still seems odd to me. In a good way.

We have been exploring. We have been eating (not pictured, but much enjoyed.)

But mostly? We have been looking for spring. Have you seen her? Can you send her by my place if you have? She does wonders for my mood. These photos were taken on the rare warm days we have had. Actually, I think there have been two so far. It has been the cloudiest April on the books and one of the rainiest. Sad trombone.

I have also felt a bit disconnected from my online life since we moved. Baby mobility and home change coincided. Benton is everywhere! It is amazing and exhausting and cute and dangerous. I have to keep my eye on him at all times, so that means less time for…anything else. I love this new phase, but it also means that naptimes have been consumed by organizing and cleaning, since it is difficult to do this things when he is awake. We are just now settled enough for me to feel like I can write again while he is dreaming. So that is the plan anyway.

Apologies for being out of the loop. What did I miss?

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The Fine Art of Procrastination

Posted on March 25, 2011 | 6 Comments

I have been doing it for 27 years.

The best thing about procrastination is that I get other random or weird tasks done that I would not normally get think to do. Although the big task remains on the back burner (packing for our move NEXT WEEK), the house is very clean.

Why?

Because how could I possibly pack when the stove needs to be cleaned?

Oh, and look at how the floor under the high chair could use a vinegar scrub.

You know what? Let me just magic eraser the shower door and then I will pack something.

Oh, my masthead really needs a redesign.

The list goes on.

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BOOM

Posted on March 16, 2011 | 14 Comments

 

What's this?

Hmm. Seems to be a baby child on the beach in March.

Yes. He has been here before, but this it his first sit in the sand.

The first time he has really touched it.

Interesting stuff. It can't really be gotten. And flows through tiny fingers.

I feel so lucky to witness these firsts. To spend the day with my buddy. To be part of his life as he takes in more and more of this world. My friend's mother who said 'the first six months he is yours. And after that? Your job is to introduce him to the world' was so right. Spring is such a fitting season for this age. One day there is nothing to see, and the next the buds are bursting. New. Wow! Look! This! That! Go! BOOM.

 

 

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