Category Archives: family

Obligatory Pregnancy Post

Posted on January 2, 2012 | 8 Comments

Um. I haven’t done a pregnancy post on here since I announced that we were having baby Boley #2. It was kind of dramatic start to things, but I am happy to report that it has been super easy since then. All the midwife appointments have been really quick and boring–besides hearing the heartbeat which is never boring–and I haven’t had a lot of questions or issues. I feel at peace.

Although I am excited to meet our second son, I am not incredibly anxious or impatient. Since I was lucky enough to have an uncomplicated delivery with Benton, I have a lot of confidence about the upcoming birth in April, so there isn’t much stress there. We already have the baby gear that we need for the most part, so I am not worried about all that. Things are just moving along smoothly.

I am SO HAPPY about this. Boring, or uneventful as I should say, is just fine when it comes to pregnancy issues. And don’t hate me, but I’m pretty much enjoying myself. I am 20 lbs less than I was at this point in the game last time, and I haven’t hit the tired phase of the 3rd trimester just yet. I am nesting like mad. Things have never been more clean around here and I feel good.

Things that I do wonder about are the day-to-day logistics of taking care of a newborn and a toddler. I know how challenging breastfeeding can be in the beginning, and I remember sometimes nursing for up to eight hours a day with B. So that is probably my number one anxiety with this baby. I just don’t know how all that will work, but I am sure we will figure it out.

I think I’m actually more excited about meeting this baby than I was with my first. Or maybe since I am less anxious about the unknown, there is more room for happy anticipation. This time, I feel more like I am waiting for a person then a baby if that makes any sense. A new family member.

I know each and every kid is very different and this one could be the complete opposite of laid back baby Benton. But I’m now equipped with a support system, some base knowledge, more patience, and a confidence that I didn’t yet possess when I was a brand new mom with B. I also have confidence in my partner and have the advantage of seeing him as a dad already. That is no longer a mystery factor. Justin and I are a good team, and we have our share of victories and losses just as any good team does.

I’m sure I will have more to say about this pregnancy, but for now, that is all the important stuff. Non important stuff? I really needed a lot of orange juice today and cleaned and organized every inch of the kitchen cupboards and pantry. NESTING ALL THE THINGS CLEANING ALL THE THINGS MORE NESTING MORE MORE MORE CLEAN.

If you don’t follow me on Twitter or Facebook, then you will likely stomp your feet now because I haven’t posted the obligatory belly photos on the blog. Apologies, apologies. I think all of them are iPhone pictures so far. Let me see if I can find some.

K, here you go.

21ish weeks

22ish weeks

23ish week comparison.

And my favorite shot so far. He is such a dear.

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Posted in Daily Picture, family, happiness, maternity series, photography, pregnancy

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The Furrowed Brow

Posted on September 23, 2010 | 15 Comments

I confess that may be misrepresenting the baby at this point. I would say he has gone from 100% furrowed all the time, down to only 50%. It’s pretty easy to get a smile out of him these days. He thought folding the laundry was a riot today. His fussy hour is even less fussy if he has the right amount of entertainment or socializing. But I couldn’t resist posting these preciously serious furrowed brow shots.

Because what if the tiny furrow disappears all together? He changes so fast. I will surely miss the concerned looks if he grows out of it. I guess I will just have to have another baby then. :)

Speaking of which, if you are a parent of more than one kid, how far did you space them out? Did you have a plan? Lack of any plan? How many years in between children worked best for your family? Should I be concerned about lack of bedrooms or just make it work? If you don’t have more than one, but plan to, what factors are you waiting on before trying to get pregnant again or adopting a second baby?

Don’t get all excited/worried about me just yet. I have some one-on-one time I want to spend with the sweet baby I have napping on my lap. I’m just curious about what makes people take that big step into having more than one kid. Do tell.

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Extro Loves Intro

Posted on September 11, 2010 | 23 Comments

I have been trying to write this post *in my head* for three days. Turns out that when you have a new baby, your brain leaks out at night and you have to start all over again every morning. Hence, this is technically the third draft of this post, although I have no recollection of the first two.

Can we discuss introverts who are partnered up with extroverts? And by discuss, I mean that I will ramble on, and then you will comment and then I will reply. If we were in real life, we could just converse like normal humans. Oh, wouldn’t that be great?

Which brings me to my first point. I like real (and virtual) people. I feel energized when I am around them. I like to talk for the most part. On the introvert/extrovert scale, I am only slightly extroverted. Which means I am not a total wilting flower when left alone, and appreciate some time by myself. However, I don’t need tons of recovery time after social activities.

I married an introvert (INTJ). (By the way I <3 INTJ’s. Can’t think of one that I haven’t gotten along with swimmingly, but they are anything but simple.) Many of my favorite people on this earth are introverts. I’m attracted to them, and count many of them among my friends. This does not mean they are shy. Introverted is often interchanged with the word shy, and that is simply wrong. It also has a negative connotation which bugs the crap out of me. They are often just misunderstood.

I have linked to this article before, but I HIGHLY recommend that you read it if you live with someone who is introverted. Or if you yourself are introverted, link your significant other to it so they will know how to care for you properly. It’s not very scientific, and a bit satirical, but has some good points. Go now. I will wait…

…

You are back! Or you’re just faking like you read it. For those of you who fake-read it, just know that basically introverts lose energy from being around people, and extroverts gain energy. Introverts need a recovery period for every hour they spend with other humans.

This brings me to the meat of my story. I swear to you that Justin and I are both reasonable and intelligent people. But two weeks ago we decided to freaky Friday our lives. I, the slightly extroverted girl (ENTP) who worked at a big office with lots of people around all day, decided to stay home alone with a young baby. Justin, the introverted guy who has been a student without a full-time job for many years, decided to go work at an office with people who talk to him all day long.

SQUARE PEGS, ROUND HOLES.

So this is an interesting transition for both of us to say the least. It is the best thing for our family and we are determined to make it work.

Did I mention we have a 9 week old baby in the mix? Yes.

We are both sticking by our decision and neither of us want to complain because we both are silly in love with our new jobs. And we are both extremely lucky to have them. That being said, there are some things that we need to figure out about our new lives.

Maybe your life is set up in a similar way? Example: I have been home all day, talking to no one but myself, the baby, and the interwebs. This is all well and good, but naturally I am excited when it is time for Justin to come home. We are buddies and I miss my buddy. 5 o’clock hits and I get antsy. Often 6 o’clock comes and goes as well. Around 7, I am dying to see him. I want to talk about the day and be with him and do family time stuff.

He is happy to see me, but the difference is that he is arriving home already exhausted from being around people all day. No matter how much he loves his job, he can’t be himself unless he gets some recovery time alone. He will be a crazy person without it. This doesn’t have to happen immediately when he gets in the door, but by 9 p.m. he is basically telling me to go to bed. SAD FACE. It’s not anything against me personally, but it still stings. This is one of those things I am trying to be understanding about, but it isn’t easy when I have been alone all day and am enjoying real companionship.

Here is another example of how this introversion thing works: If we are going out to a social thing, he will be very social and have a great time while he is there, but then he needs twice that amount of time to recover from this event. This usually isn’t a big deal to me, as I have gotten used to this over the past 7 years. It is second nature, unlike the new 9-5 weekday thing we are figuring out.

My new worry surrounding this issue, beyond driving my husband crazy, has to do with family activities. Since Benton is still a wee baby at the moment, we don’t take him out a ton. But what happens when the weekends become less about lounging and more filled with outings? Will Justin be OK?

We excitedly discuss all the fun things we want to together as a family, but they are likely going to take place during the weekends. I am not suggesting that family activities will be as socially draining as the workday is; I’m pointing out that they will take time out of the recovery period that he needs as an introvert after working with people all week. Does that make sense? And what happens when we have more kids and there is even less time to spare? Are there any introvert breadwinners out there with a bunch of kids that have it all figured out?

I am assuming we will adjust and find somewhat of a balance, but he is forever and always going to be introverted. I don’t want it to sound like a bad word, it just means he is always going to need his own time. So my guess is that he will have to have dad-is-recovering period at night when we are all in bed. Sleep will likely get pushed further down on the priority list.

Does anyone reading this have a similar situation? Any tricks or wisdom to share?

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Commune

Posted on September 6, 2010 | 29 Comments

That’s right. I have moved to a commune. Well, at least a virtual one. But sometimes I wish it was real.

This commune is my Twitter community of parents. Mostly moms, a couple of mums, and a sprinkling of papas.

Within a couple of months, I have made connections with people who I can tell will be in my (virtual) life for many years to come. And hopefully a handful will turn into friends in real life.

If I need support, they will give it. If I need advice, they’ve got it. When I want to laugh, they make me. I truly can’t imagine how new moms, or well seasoned mamas for that matter, lived without the internet. It is more important to me than any baby gear that is supposed to make a parent’s life easier. Give me some diapers, a burp cloth and my iPhone, and I can take care of Benton with no worries.

Have you seen the movie Babies? My favorite scenes are those filmed in Africa. It was the only story that the documentary followed where the moms and children all hung out together all day long. They were never alone, and seemed to have a pretty good time raising kids in a big community under a tree. I want to go to there. (Sort of.)

Twitter, you are my African mama tree.

I know that jenkanable0204 and typicallymeg are going back to work tomorrow and will need extra support. sarahviola and jayesel are pregnant to the max and will hopefully be tweeting some good news very soon. ecsuperhero has had  a terrible weekend with a sick little one, which makes me sad because she deserves a good weekend with healthy boys. foldinglaundry needs to paint her front door and hide her boy Noah. Because I want to steal him and his mustache.

exlibris and thegrumbles are my girl crushes. Their babies, Jude and Isobel are pretty rad too. I can’t not laugh with them around.

I kind of want to be swonderful. She can do no wrong in my eyes, and I like to creep around in her Flickr photostream because it is so beautiful. JoyfulAbode is always around for conversation. She knows a lot of things about everything. I hope her husband gets home soon to snuggle their new baby girl. ryles knows a lot, too. Especially about pumping and spit-up matters.

nataliejanette is one of the most adoring mothers in my Twitter feed. She loves her new tiny dancer to pieces. I wish I lived next door to keli_h . We would have play dates and take photos together while babywearing in the park.  Speaking of babywearing, babysteph is kind of a big deal. Just about everyone looks to her for advice and she has a lot of love to give. Caprismama encouraged me to stop lurking. THANK YOU.

SaraJOY just had twins. Related: she doesn’t have much time for Twitter, but we love her when she is there. Crookedeyebrow sold a house and needs to get into a new one so she and her cute family have a place to live. bigcitybelly just took a little one on a plane to Denver, and lived to tell about it. She is also willing to be my friend in real life. YES!

asiajane probably thought I was a library person, but is now stuck following me. TheRedQueen is likely in that boat as well, but I enjoy the company of her and her gruntasaur.

There are MANY more of you that I love who aren’t mentioned here. You are nice enough to stop by and humor me with responses to my queries and ponderings. Thank you. This virtual community is far more amazing than I thought possible. Virtual hugs to all.

Are you a new mom that is not on Twitter? If you feel kind of lonely or lost and need a buddy, please follow me. I will introduce you around and you just might fall in love with these people like I have. They will even be up with you during the 3 a.m. feedings and never care that  you are wearing crusty spit-up on your outfit. Nothing can shock them, and no question is too stupid.

<3

And a short apology to my followers that were there before  I started tweeting about my water breaking and baby poop. *Sorry* You can unfollow. I totally understand.

—————–

Yes, there are moms that survived child rearing WITHOUT the internet. Meet my mother in law, donnaboley. She did a pretty good job without it.
And now she has the joy of being a grandma! We are calling her Nonna. Can you tell she likes Benton? Just a little bit?

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Pretty, Witty and YAY!

Posted on September 3, 2010 | 15 Comments

Four years ago, we shared one of the best days of our lives.

This morning we woke up together with a smiling baby nestled between us. It’s hard to fit more love into a queen size bed. Really. There is no room at the inn. *enter 20lb cats

Before he left this morning, Justin wished me a happy anniversary and handed me a little brown paper bag with these inside:

There are a thousand reasons why this is awesome. The main one is that he was incredibly thoughtful to buy these for me. He knew I wanted these earrings for a year and would never buy them for myself. I saw them at the Renegade Art Fair last year, and then pointed them out to Justin a few weeks ago at the Glenwood Street Art Fair. He secretly went back and got them for me.

To all of you who get presents for birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries, this pair of earrings may not seem like anything special. Whoop de do, he got you a gift for your anniversary. But since we have been dating (7+ years) I haven’t been on the receiving end of many gifts from the husband simply because I was the only one with an income. I don’t expect anything and don’t usually care. So I was so taken aback by these precious little things which he knew were so perfectly me in every way.

They inspired me to get dressed in more than yoga pants and spend time putting on makeup today. I realized that I haven’t felt pretty in MONTHS. My face got really swollen and jankity during pregnancy, and it’s just now getting back to recognizable for me. So I have been a little camera-shy.

But today? I felt pretty. And effortlessly happy.

My body may not be back to normal, but my self-image is slowly creeping out of from under the fridge. And all it took was these pretty little earrings to remind me that Benton isn’t the only one that is allowed to be cute around here.

Thank you, sweet husband. I LOVE them. <3

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Mine, Ours, Us, and We

Posted on September 2, 2010 | 5 Comments

When I was visiting my mom–or Grandma if you are baby B–the mother of one of my oldest friends stopped by to meet the little man. Before she left she said something to the effect that for the first 6 months, the baby is yours. And after that, it’s time to get him integrated into to the world.

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this concept.

Benton is two months old this Saturday. Being a tiny man-baby, he doesn’t do a whole lot compared to an older human. His skills include eating, napping, gazing, and punching me in the boob. I adore every inch of him and anything new that he can do. We jokingly proclaim his genius when he makes a new noise or kicks a cat. Although being googly-eyed new parents, we half believe it.

But since he really doesn’t do much on his own yet, he truly still feels like an extension of myself right now. He may not be living inside my belly anymore, but it’s close. That’s why they call it the 4th trimester. He’s so dependent on me, that the boundaries where he stops and I begin are often blurred. When I tell Justin about what happened during the day, it is often “we” and “us” instead of “he” and “him”.

It’s his first six months. OUR first six months. So I am going to eat it up. He has the whole rest of his life to be his own person. An independent guy with likes, and dislikes, and quirks all his own. He is allowed to go out into the world and be what he wants. My job will be to help him, teach him, and leave him alone when he needs to do things himself.

But not yet.

We are busy being unbusy. I am not sure if I am supposed to be doing a ton of activities with the little fellow, but I’m not yet. Sometimes I feel some kind of new-mom-guilt that I should be DOING things with him all the time. But he is so content with eating and napping, that it takes up 90% of our day.

Occasionally, we have dance parties and photobooth sessions. And sometimes I eat his feet.

Because they’re mine.

This is one of the few photos I will ever post without at least mascara on. I have a hard time looking anyone in the eyes without my mascara.

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Benton Benjamin Button

Posted on August 27, 2010 | 7 Comments

It is well-known by Benton’s relatives, buddies, and interweb fans, that he is a SERIOUS baby. Like Godfather serious.

This baby is an old man. Or at least an old soul that has decided to return for another round of life. This man has worked in coal mines and railroads. He’s bounced great grandchildren on his one good knee since he probably lost the other leg in a war. He’s seen things, you know?

We are honored to be the ones to raise him this time around. I hope we don’t disappoint. But so far he is just so judgey with that face. THE FACE IS ALWAYS WATCHING.

So how do you coax a smile from such a furrowed creature? Acting ridiculous may work. He will occasionally grin at the silly adult humans who think he doesn’t know anything more than what any other 7-week-old would know. He chuckles at us fools, who are ignorant of the vast wisdom that he has collected throughout the ages.

The hard set jaw cracks. Out comes pure joy.

It makes you wonder how anyone could possibly go on to be a bad person if they have ever successfully coaxed a smile out of a baby. Everyone on earth should stop what they are doing, find the closest baby, and make him smile. Then they are allowed to carry on with their silly business. I swear things would improve in no time. How can anything go wrong when smiling babies become our tiny overlords.*

For a week or so, Benton’s smiles were very shy. Justin was the only one who could prompt them. How rude. I am the one with the food! And yet he was all business with his mom.

I haven’t shared many photos of us together because I am horribly camera-shy with all this extra weight. But I do have some photos of mama time, because it would be too sad to look back and be absent from all the captures.

This is one of our first moments together. He has changed SO MUCH already. How am I already nostalgic looking at this photo that was taken just last month?

I think I have actually shared this one before, but it was one of our first days at home. My nose is still pregnant. He is such a tiny bean here.

Bath time! Complete with a furrowed brow of course. Please notice that my nose is no longer pregnant here. I'm so proud.

But the mama moment that tops them all so far is getting him to smile. He loves to look into our wall of circle mirrors with me. It is almost a sure way to get the old man to grin. *splode*

*I realize that there can only be one tiny (toddler) overlord. And her name is Isobel. We will all do her bidding.

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Pontoon Buffoonery

Posted on August 20, 2010 | 5 Comments

How amazing is it to think that one day you will have grandchildren. Mind blowing, eh?

What about GREAT grandchildren? It is something I can’t really wrap my mind around. I just can’t.

This week, Benton met his Great Grandma Helen Benton Boley up at her beautiful house in Madison, Wisconsin. They got along splendidly. I have the proof right here:

This was Benton’s second road trip. Again, the destination was to see a great grandparent. So being a wise little soul, he behaved like an angel in the during the long car ride.* But road trips make a new human tired. There is a lot of new information to process. Luckily, Great Grandma Helen has a huge napping couch.

Can you tell this child has no interest in swaddling? He is spraw-to-the-waw as we say here.

Hey Mr. Benton, try looking more like a SERIOUS MIDDLE AGED MAN. Goodness.

I much prefer Baby B to Mr. Benton.

Since Helen lives on a lake, we decided that we should have lunch on the water and then ride her Pontoon. Named Pontoon Buffoonery. Yes indeed.

Usually I wear him in the Moby when we are out to eat, but he was tired of getting fries in his hair. Dad kept an eye on little one and a hand on a Bloody Mary. Because it was a Thursday after all.

First boat ride! Woot!

First diaper change on a boat! Woot!

Apparently, pontoon riding is SERIOUS business for Mr. Benton Wilford Brimley Boley.

*splode*

*All angelic car behavior is subject to how fast the car is moving. Chicago rush hour traffic on the way home was HORRIBLE. So yeah. Angry baby. Also? Angry mama. No one likes rush hour. Traffic is dumb.

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What Are We Even Doing?

Posted on August 17, 2010 | 15 Comments

This post is mostly for the grandmas and great grandmas. (How awesome is it to have great grandmas that read blogs?!) This is also for those of you who somehow care what we are doing from minute to minute. Which means you probably follow me on Twitter and are a fellow mama. YOU are crazy. I love you.

This is also for those of you who haven’t hopped on the baby wagon just yet, but have an uncontrollable urge to read mommy blogs. Welcome, lurkers. I was once in your shoes just a few months ago. Say hello. I know you are there. I can see you in my stats for heaven’s sake.

………………

10:30 pm

This is the magic hour. If he eats now, then YAY. We will likely make it until the middle of the night until the next feeding. He is the type that falls asleep easily after he eats, so we don’t have to worry about swaddling and walking and soothing the little man. He gets milk drunk and then passes out.

So then I head off to bed and eventually Justin and Benton follow. We are co-sleeping at the moment. This was not planned or thought about much. It’s just feels right.

3 am

The Gruntasaurus is in full grunt mode. I sit on the side of the bed and feed him while checking Twitter, hoping that other mamas are awake. One night I saw a post that basically said that if you ever feel lonely during the early morning feedings, just think of the massive sea of women around the globe that are also up, simultaneously feeding their babies along with you.

After he is done eating, Justin wakes up and burps him while walking him to the changing station. Then the freshly diapered baby is nestled into the bed again and we sleep some more.

6:30 AM

Guess what? FEEDING. He awakes with some grunts as per usual. This is when he gets really cute and wide-eyed and looks like he is holding back a smile. His clogged tear duct has caused overnight eye crustaceans that he could care less about, but I am super grossed out with. Picking ensues. He’s super alert and ready for breakfast. With a wild shake of his head, he latches like a shark and eats like he has never had anything so tasty.

After his breakfast, we either hang out in the bed for some tummy time, or he goes to the living room with one of us until he falls asleep for a good morning nap. Yesterday, I came into the living room to find the men asleep on the couch all snuggly-like.

Daytime

For the first 5 weeks, he pretty much ate and slept. There would be short periods of alertness where we would oooh and awww at him and tell him he was a genius, but really he just wanted to sleep. Just in the last week he has been interested in being awake a bit more. His most favorite activity is gazing at our faces. Which is most convenient, since we pretty much just stare at him anyway.

It is like someone turned a light switch on in his head, because now he suddenly wants to know what is going on around him. He has shown his dad some smiles, and I have caught a fleeting grin as well. But most of the time he looks like he is in deep thought. Or like he is planning something epic.

He has a crazy strong neck, so I put him in the Bumbo yesterday. Cuteness ensued. Porpus approved.

Yes, that is Justin in the background drinking a coffee the size of his head.

Walks with dad around the apartment are pretty exciting. So many things to see for a new human. Mirrors are an especially exciting new curiosity.

When that gets old, there is always quite a bit of leg kicking to do. It is a top priority for the little man. He will push himself up to a standing position if you let him. Strong like bull.

The rest of the day is basically lunchtime in his opinion. And if it is a growth spurt week, then he will literally feed every hour. This is insane. Seriously, pure madness. If you haven’t had a baby yet, that is the one thing that will surely take you by surprise. They eat. ALL. THE. TIME.

Sometimes people come over to visit the little man. They give him gifts and tell him he is cute. He approves of such a thing.

Other times, grandma come over and has dance parties with him to Raffi and John McCutcheon. These are the same songs that she danced to with me when I was a wee baby. Grandma always brings food for her own baby who is now 27. This makes me think that the feeding thing is life long. LORDY.

If we are feeling really fancy, Benton gets into a baby wrap or sling and goes to the beach or out to dinner. He is an angel when he is being worn. If anyone hasn’t tried babywearing, I HIGHLY recommend it. I will do a full post on this a little later. It is amazing.

So that is pretty much it. We are going on our first pontoon ride within the next few days up in Wisconsin, so wish us luck. Great Grandma, Helen Benton Boley, will be meeting the little boy who has her maiden name as his first name. I hope they get some good gazing time in.

It is time to feed him again, so I have to go. Thanks for stalking!

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Present

Posted on August 12, 2010 | 4 Comments

I’ve written about my problem with impatience many times. It’s one of life’s great struggles for me. Most of the time it is a terrible quality to have, as it mucks around with enjoying the present moment. Although sometimes it can be a good thing when I need to move something forward quickly.

In order to appreciate what I have at the moment, it often takes a conscious effort to remind me what I’ve already got in front of me. Frequent writing or photography will usually keep me mindful and reflective of what is here and now.

But for the first time in my life, I’m feeling effortlessly present.

Benton has made me realize how quickly time passes by. I am savoring each day I have with him when he is tiny. Why must he get big? Of course I am looking forward to his first laugh, his first reach for me, and a million other inevitable milestones. But with each new change, my heart aches. Because he is growing a thousand times faster than I can bear. The last month of my pregnancy ticked by slowly. Longest weeks of my life. But somehow the first few weeks of Benton’s life on the outside have gone by in the blink of an eye. It feels like he has been with us forever. And yet we just met.

I thought my impatience would  cause me to long for the newborn stage to be over, because of how difficult I envisioned it to be. Now I want to pause each second of the day, so it lasts a lifetime. So excuse me while I go snuggle my tiny 9 lb baby before we are into the double-digit weigh-ins. He is just three feet from behind me right now, and I miss him.

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