Isn’t that cute? The sun was trying to come out even though it is January. Sweet thing.
You are so nice, Mr. Sun. You must have heard me singing that song over and over again. Please shine down on me?
Even if it is bound to end up a typical winter gray day, we usually get at least 20 minutes of sun in the morning before it disappears.
I am at my happiest in these early morning minutes. Especially if I have remembered to set the coffee pot the night before.
This is not topped with whipped cream for a prettier picture. This is my everyday ritual (problem).
Before having Benton, I wrote a lot about appreciating my life as it was. Even in the heat of baby fever, I wanted to sit back and look at how good I had things– even without that baby I longed for. Photography and writing helped remind me of how amazing the Now was. It kept my eyes open and mind clear. Gratitude comes easier when I am living consciously like this.
So now that I have this sweet baby in my life, I want to sit back and enjoy my Now with him. Yes, I want more kids. And a house. And, and, and…
But honestly? I am so grateful for what we have now. Being a mom of just one is blissful. I don’t have to split my attention just yet. He has all of me. I can lay around with him and not worry that another little is eating cat food in the other room. I can plop him in his high chair while I get breakfast for myself, and easily entertain him with a song or a simple game of peek-a-boo from under the countertop. He is at a really adorable age, and he is lucky I don’t eat him for breakfast.
Although I don’t claim to know what I am doing all the time, I do feel like I’ve got this under control for the time being. Not sure how long this phase will last. But it’s nice. I want to sit in the middle of it and look around for a while.
Sidenote: See that kitty? Something isn’t right with her. Please send healthy thoughts to Porpus. She is my first baby. I am worried.
Hi, friends. I have this lovely post I was going to write about mornings. I was going to talk about how much I am enjoying the early light with my sweet baby. And coffee and playtime and sunlight reflecting around the room.
BUT NOW I AM MAD.
We have not had hot water since Saturday morning. Not just us. The whole stupid building. Well, it came back sort-of-kid-of briefly for me to have a lukewarm shower before going out to dinner on Saturday. Yay.
I haven’t showered since then, because the stupid water is still broken. We are washing our clothes, dishes and selves in cold water. Benton gets a bath warmed up with boiling water from the kettle. But I couldn’t keep up tonight and he was cold and crying and Justin was still at work because he is busy and I think the cat has diabetes or cancer and there is a blizzard of historic proportions on its way and my head itches because I need to wash it and the landline jerkface phone just rang and woke up the baby ahhh hhh gah aslkdfjasldkfja!!!!!
I know, I should he happy to have running water and heat and all that.
Now that I got that out of my system, I will attempt the nice post.
Nope. And honestly? I am irritated such people who claim this title.
I will say, that they are allowed to think they are parenting experts for their own children. That is totally acceptable. Someday, I may allow myself to feel this way about my own parenting. Sometime far off from now. Maybe.
But to say that you are a parenting expert, often means that you think you know what is best for all moms, dads, and kids everywhere. NOPE. You don’t. Sorry. You may have some good ideas. They may be useful and help a lot of people. But they are not mom law. There are no parenting commandments carved into stone that I know of.
I am not trying to be sassy or start a fight. Quite the opposite. I don’t seek out confrontation. I would love if we could all just get along. You can come over and brush my hair while I make you drink hot chocolate in front of the fire. As long as we don’t have to talk about natural vs. medicated birth. Breastfeeding vs. formula. Co-sleeping vs. Cry It Out. Rice cereal vs. Baby Led Eating. Strollers vs. Carriers. Home School vs. the Public System. Bacon vs. Kale.
I am exhausted by that list. And it is only the beginning.
I am not going to lie and say that some of those debates don’t get me all riled up, but most often, I bite my tongue when in a public space. Sometimes it is SO HARD TO DO THIS. I take a breath and remember that what is right for me, is not going to work for everyone. So unless someone comes to be and honestly wants my advice? They will get none. Does this make me a pansy mom blogger? Maybe. I am not promising I won’t write about these topics, but it is not my main concern in this space.
There are some bloggers that I follow who have a gift for writing about their experiences with these highly debated parenting topics without sounding like assholes. I admire them. They are not preaching about their methods, they are sharing their story. I like that. I want to read more stories and less speeches.
Personally? I am more likely to keep my breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping, home-birth wanting, baby lead weaning, attachment parenting jibber jabber tucked away in my private emails or limited to twitter threads and DMs with friends. Oops. Did I just say that? ;)
Yesterday, Benton pooped right in my hand. Today, he got his first black eye.
We are truly awesome around here.
As I am typing, a dog barked and woke up B. His eyes are open…wait…asleep. BARK. OPEN.
I’ll be back later.
Friends, I have been wearing lipstick and getting dressed (almost) everyday. Take THAT, winter.
I’m apparently new at the whole thumbs-up thing, hence the horrible awkwardness.
I’ve also been doing little things like leaving the house almost everyday and drinking tea with myself in the afternoon. I turn on the twinkling party lights on our frozen balcony and I’m taking photos and trying to pretend I don’t loathe the winter.
Another glorious indoor activity that I have been trying? Making baby food. It turns out that this is largely a wasted effort, because I end up having to eat most of it and the child is just like “WHAaaat? This is dumb, SLAP SLAP SLAP…”
Then something happened. I stumble onto the Gussy Sews finger knitting tutorial. It seemed innocent enough. Then..
I suddenly had a worrisome finger-knitting addiction. It is quite mindless, but very relaxing. Something to do to keep me from being antsy.
It turns out that I am more obsessed with it than that one time I played Angry Birds for two weeks straight before angrily deleting it from my phone after the STUPID BOOMERANG TOUCAN RUINED MY LIFE ahhhh maahhh GAHHH. Shudder.
I’m an all-or-nothing person. So. I have about a bajillion of these necklaces. They are nothing fancy, but kind of fun.
I found out they squish down into nothing and I can probably send them in a regular envelope. If I keep up producing at the rate I am going, I will have 100 by mid-next week. UM. Yes.
Want one? I will gladly send it. Everyone is a winner. Email me your name and mailing address to Megagoodblog@gmail.com. If we talk on twitter, then you get to request a color. If you are a lady with a young baby, I assure you that these things take a beating. B has tested them. If you are a man? Start a trend. These things are the new tie.
Then leave me a comment telling me something you actually LIKE about winter so we can cheer each other up.
We haven’t watched much television over here since Benton was born. I will put WGN morning news on for about 20 minutes on weekdays. And on weekends, football (on mute). Something about the TV– he is just not a big fan.
Oh well. This is fine.
Even though the TV isn’t on, I do have the laptop open throughout the day, so I can check on my friends. I may have a social media addiction, but I am OK with that right now. I need conversation to make sure I don’t go nuts. At the end of the day, just before Justin gets home, I start watching YouTube videos on said laptop.
Much to my surprise, and great pleasure, Benton loves them. A child after my own heart, his favorite videos are of animals. Now that I type that, I realize haven’t really shown him anything but cute animal videos.
Here are his favorites so far. They are oldies but goodies.
I have a long history of winter blues. Followed by manic springlike behavior in the spring. This is my life. The rut of winter makes the months of April and May that much more exciting for me. It seems like I have reached Valhalla, Shangri-la, Heaven, and Underverse ALL AT THE SAME TIME. Justin has reminded me that Valhalla and Shangri-la simply cannot co-exist. I KNOW. That is just how crazy springtime is in my little heart.
But back to winter. This year has been particularly painful. Thank Valhalla that I have an easy-going happy baby. Because if I didn’t, I would not only be a sad cave troll, but I would be sad cave troll with an eye twitch and a short temper. I can deal with the sad.
I have vowed to get dressed every day for a week. And will also try to leave the cave. This helps immensely. Yesterday, I was dressed by 8 am, and was away from the house more than I was at home. My soul rejoiced, and it felt more like March than January. Productivity was at an all time winter high, and the baby was a joy.
I met up with some friends that I met back during our birth class at Mother Me Inc. We went to the Garfield Park Conservatory. It was my first time there, and I look forward to returning. Fresh air, plants, and adult conversation. This is like a shot of adrenaline directly into my heart. More of this, please.
I brought my camera, but when you are hanging out with other people and have a baby strapped to your hip, it is hard to concentrate on photography. I may go back alone and get some really nice shots. I did end up with some shots from the cactus room that I am pretty proud of. :)
Look! I spoke to other humans! This is Erin and Grant.
And this is Ethan Blaze. He spent most of his visit in this manner. Thanks for showing me the Ergo Hip Carry, little man.
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged 6 month old, cabin fever, cactus, Chicago, garfield park conservatory, mom friends, photography, play date, SAD, spring fever, succulents, winter rut
Happy six months (a week ago today.)
I was going to write a lengthy post about all the things I have learned in a half year. But then my heart exploded and brain leaked out the back of my head. This happens a lot.
As I type this, something CRAZY AWESOME is happening behind my back. Justin put Benton down for a nap. Successfully. WITHOUT BREASTFEEDING HIM.
This may sound insignificant to you smart parents who don’t rely solely on boobs for the baby to sleep. For those who kept a bottle introduced from early on. For those of you who have methods of putting the baby to sleep other than feeding him. For those who swaddle, use white noise, rock, shush, pat, and train. YAY. Jealous.
But having someone be able to put B down for a nap other than me is a big deal. To me. I have been scared to leave the house for an extended period of time because I am nervous the whole time I am gone that Benton will not be eating or sleeping. Eating and sleeping are kind of key elements to a baby’s day/night.
We had a couple bad experiences, and it freaked me out. Not really worth the outing for me if I am just thinking about the sad hungry baby at home. So.
As time went by, I thought I would be more OK with leaving him. Closer to being OK with a babysitter, not less. I am still not confident with leaving him with anyone other than Justin, but I will get there.
Guess who is not worried one bit? Mr. Boley. He is a bit overconfident in all of this, but better that than irrationally stressed out. I guess I need someone to balance out my crazy. He thinks that if Benton eats only an ounce out of the bottle that he is just not hungry for more. But I am suspicious. SUSPICIOUS. I don’t have ounce measurements on my boobs, but I am quite sure he should be eating more than that during a meal. Yes? No? *sideways confused glance*
I am determined to keep him interested in both boob and bottle from here on out. Because as much as I love being home with Benton, that doesn’t mean ALL DAY EVERYDAY AHHH MAAHHH GAAHh.
Ah, well. Glad he loves his daddy.
I have no post in my mind. Just typing to see what happens.
We used to have to write our stream of conscious in 7th grade as an exercise in class. I loved doing this, but was always suspicious that the teacher was just nosy and wanted into my personal business. My VERY IMPORTANT 7th grade business. Ahem.
Lots of childhood memories have been seeping into the foreground these days. Seeing my own son grow and change so fast has me thinking. He is going to be a KID soon. Not a baby, but a real living breathing, running, yelling, dirty kid. With his own childhood memories. What will they be? I am dying to know.
I washed his little legs tonight in the bath. They are perfect. Not a blemish. Someday in the near future they will have scrapes, bumps, and bruises from running amuck. There was a stretch of years where my legs were a wreck from all the playing I did. Battle scars from a rich kid life. Well—not $rich$—but you know what I mean.
I removed the baby-toe-fuzz from his perfect little toes, and savored their loveliness. SAVORED. Toe jam. Yes I did. Because they are actually going to be used for walking/running/jumping one day, and their pristine goodness will be only a baby bathtime snapshot in my mind. I know I will always remember them as they are now.
I wonder if his memory will work like mine. Clips from a movie. Snapshots. Storyboards. I can’t hear my memories very well. I can’t always remember just what was said. But I can see them.
My parents had this water-bed that my brother and I used to sail on. We would squish our little bodies into laundry baskets, swaying back and forth on the waves. I don’t know where we went to, but the journey there was a blast. The memory is vivid.
What will be vivid to Benton when he looks back on his kid life? I hope he remembers it with a grin. He still has a few years until stuff sticks. So I will try to keep his memories as best as I can until then.